The High-Protein, High-Fiber, Creatine-Powered Fuel

Every Batch, Scientifically Formulated. 

At long last, the future of breakfast optimization is here! Meet Michael's Granola, our newest innovation in peak granola performance. 

Every scientifically engineered cluster in our revolutionary new product line contains:

• Confidence
• Power
• Protein
• Creatine
• Fiber
• Probiotics
• Prebiotics
• Postbiotics
• Paraxanthine
• Caffeine
• Collagen
• Adaptogens
• Electrolytes 

Don't worry about how much is included per serving, or how much is needed for an effective dose. What matters is that this stuff is in there. Trust us!

Prepare to reach your optimal form with just one handful of these performance-enhanced clusters.  

What these functional granola clusters are designed to support*: 

Why savor a carefully crafted granola handmade with simple ingredients when you could biohack your breakfast with granola mass produced from a kitchen-adjacent environment with every functional benefit ever known to man?

* Results may vary. Effective doses not included. Amounts selected for optimal label appeal. Serving size determined by ambition. 

APRIL FOOLS! 

While Michael’s Granola may not be real, the trend we’re poking fun at most definitely is. The addition of protein, fiber, collagen, probiotics, and other additives with functional benefits are rapidly filling grocery shelves and dominating your social media feed. But when you take a closer look, you'll see a lot of these claims don't really deliver on the promises they're making.  

That's why we're sticking to our brand values and promise to deliver a simple, honest granola, always handmade with real food ingredients you can trust. Other brands may chase trends, but we know our customers trust us to make delicious crispy clusters without adding ultra-processed ingredients or misleading them with functional benefit claims. 

In a recent Substack from Express Checkout, The era of 'Functionwashing,' they define “functionwashing” as “Brands marketing--and often, upcharging for functional benefits that they're not really delivering.” 

Here are some tips on how to spot a “functionwashed” product: 

🚨 Validate Functional Ingredient Claims: 

• Look out for vague promises of beauty or fitness benefits. There may be anecdotal claims for a supplement or additive, but no evidence-based science to validate the correct dosage or long-term effects. 

🚨 Crunch the numbers:

• If a product lists a functional additive like collagen or creatine as an ingredient, but they don't disclose the amount, it may not be enough to be effective.
• Look up the effective dose and see how many servings of the product you would need to actually get there.
• Check the serving size, too. Some brands inflate their protein numbers by listing larger serving sizes so they can put a bigger number on the front of the package.
• Brands may also use smaller units of measurement to make numbers look more impressive. For example, 1,500mg of protein is just 1.5g.

🚨 Look out for Hidden or Ultra-Processed Additives: 

• Additives often come from ultra-processed ingredients, which may add bitter flavors and chalky textures. To compensate, brands frequently add highly refined sweeteners or flavor maskers, including “natural flavors,” synthesized in lab environments. 
• The result may boost the nutrient profile, but those added ingredients may detract from the healthfulness of the product.

The information in this blog post is intended for informational purposes only, and should not be construed as nutrition or medical advice. Before modifying your diet, or making changes to the diet of a child in your care, you should seek advice from a licensed professional, such as a doctor or registered dietitian.